| 4. Getting Back To... What? The Close Encounter Approach |
In discussing the three-stage healing process, the point was made that,
for people on disability, the second stage, finding something to get excited about,
can be difficult.
In fact, a lot of people beat themselves up because they aren't able
to generate a lot of enthusiasm for some new goal. They shouldn't. If they
think about it, they would start to understand that it's unrealistic to expect
themselves to get excited about something they've never done before.
And while significant strides are being made in workplace adaptations
and assisted devices that help people return to previous occupations, many of
those on long term disability need to find something to do that they haven't
done before.
For those people, anything they contemplate is bound to be
something they've never really gotten close to. Do you know anyone who can get
truly excited about something they've never gotten close to? The answer here is
to release yourself from the unrealistic expectation that you can get excited
about something at a distance.
Instead, we identify things a person thinks they
might get excited about if they got close to
them. Then we provide them whatever they need to get closer
to those goals, to find out for themselves firsthand whether they still want
them when they are up close.
We call it
Close Encounter With Stated Goals. Very important here is
the perspective, which says that if they get close to a goal and find they don't like
it, that's real progress!!
Why? Because we've eliminated a "phantom goal," which allows them
to focus their energies more clearly on another goal. In the meantime, they
are developing a better understanding of what they really want, based on
real-life experiences, not just on guesses made at a distance.
Once people understand that it's okay to go after something, find they
don't like it, drop it, and pursue something else, they lose a lot of their anxiety and
are able to make real progress. It isn't even something they have to think about.
Their feelings
tell them soon enough whether a particular option is going
to be right for them. The whole process flows more smoothly and naturally.
This Close Encounter approach enables people to seek out and discard a number
of options, if necessary, without feeling guilty or pressured about it.
And the funny thing is, with all that freedom to pursue endlessly, few
people go through more than two or three options without finding the one that they
know is right for them. Sometimes it takes a while, and sometimes they complete
the process quickly.
You may be concerned that if you try this, you may have endless
close encounters. My advice? Press on anyway. If that were to happen, it may
mean you have some fears you haven't yet recognized, and at some point you'll need
to face them.
Maybe you aren't as motivated as you think, which is helpful to discover.
Or maybe you just haven't yet found the option that's right for you. The only way
to find the answer is to keep on moving ahead.
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